


Truck Stop Kismet

by binniebeebs



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, Alternate Universe - Road Trip, Bad Flirting, I Tried, Idiots in Love, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, My First Fanfic, One Shot, he is also very sweet, hitchhiker kim seungmin, i talk about sweat a lot, loners finding their person, yang jeongin is reckless
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:02:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28380627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/binniebeebs/pseuds/binniebeebs
Summary: Maybe the heavy summer night heat was getting to him. Humidity clinging to his skin, sweat dripping down his lower back, hot coffee in his gut, all of it adding up to make him reckless. Or, maybe, it was just that Seungmin was hot himself. It went against his better instincts, entirely against what he had set out to do with this trip, but he didn’t care, serendipity or whatever. What else was this trip for if not experiencing things he hadn’t experienced before? And well, Jeongin had never invited a hitchhiker to join him on a trip before.“Get in, it’s hot and I want to get the A.C. running”
Relationships: Kim Seungmin/Yang Jeongin | I.N
Comments: 5
Kudos: 29





	Truck Stop Kismet

**Author's Note:**

> henlo, i wrote this as a secret santa gift for mads! i have never written a story before and i am very nervous about it but i tried my best lol ♡ i kind of ignored all prompts and just made it jeongmin oops. sorry i talk about sweat so much. aahhhh.

Some summers are meant for relaxing, avoiding responsibilities, existing in the haze of wasted time. Some, are meant for exploration, trying new things, being someone else, bringing souvenirs of that person into the fall. Some, seem to exist in their own universe, where everything moves around them, lost in heat and humidity, full of nostalgia for a moment that is still there. Jeongin wasn’t sure what this summer would be but he had a sneaking suspicion that he was already in his own universe. In the midst of his first road trip on his own, the magic of the ordinary under his fingers. 

He had found himself alone in a booth of a roadside diner next to a truck stop. Fixating on the map on his phone screen he thought about where he wanted to go next, no real destination in mind. Considering this was his first trip by himself, he should have prepared more but it would have ruined the fun and spontaneity of the whole thing. On top of that he didn’t intend to be gone long anyways, maybe two to three days max, he’d be back home again before too long. Coffee sat in front of him still too hot to drink, but it felt wonderful against his freezing hands. His beat up Honda’s air vents were annoying at best, placed where they would blast right onto his hands while he drove, freezing them and making them go stiff. It was a catch-22 though, if he were to turn off the A.C. then he’d be sweating and getting his thighs stuck to the pleather seat. The summer heat was no joke this year, even at night. He would always opt for the cold fingers over sweat soaked clothes. 

The diner was mostly empty save for a few truck drivers that had filtered in trying to get in a hot meal before leaving again to drive through the night. Jeongin’s young face should have looked incredibly out of place here but instead he just looked comfortable, relishing in the newfound excitement of being able to do everything on his own. No one knew him and he didn’t care to know them, he was there only for himself, no explanations asked for, no lies to be told.

The woman who seemed to be working the diner entirely by herself had checked in with him a few times, making sure he was settled and okay. He thought she was sweet. She set the check in front of Jeongin with a barely there smile, “whenever you’re ready hun.” He wondered how she was still kind when she looked so tired. He counted out his dollars and coins to match the total, leaving what extra he could, it wasn’t much but he wanted to help her how he could. He got up and left with a chime from the bell hanging from the top of the door, wishing the woman a good night.

As he approached his car ready to be back on the road, he thought about how this felt too easy. His parents had pressed about his choice multiple times, telling him it was dangerous, that he’d be better off at home saving money. If he had to go, he should at least bring a friend. He had rejected all of their suggestions. It was important for him to do this, and to do it alone. He didn’t wonder why he didn’t miss them. He stopped suddenly, concerned, a man who looked to be about his age, was leaning against his car, smoking a cigarette, a duffle bag by his feet. He hit the lock button on his car keys twice, making the car beep loudly. The man jumped back startled, gravel crunching under his shoes. His face was wet and his eyes were red, a rushed apology primed and ready on his lips, Jeongin cuts him off before he even has the chance, “hey, man, are you okay?”

“Uh yeah it’s fine, sorry,” he mutters, dropping his cigarette and stomping out the glowing embers, before trying to walk off. Empowered by his still novel independence, Jeongin steps in front of him blocking his path.

“You’re clearly not fine, what’s going on?”

“What do you care, you don’t know me” he said, confused by the whole interaction, unsure how to proceed with the stubborn boy in front of him. Tonight had been awful and he couldn’t deal with even one more blow.

“I could, though,” he offered. The two men share a look that is equal parts intense and tender. Jeongin’s eyes were pleading, while his eyebrows narrowed to show his resolve. He watched the other man’s expression change from fearful to something more relaxed but still cautious. “My name is Jeongin.”

“Seungmin” he replied tentatively.

Jeongin was struck by how unnaturally pretty Seungmin was. Between his obviously unwashed hair and puffy eyes, he shouldn’t have looked so good. But he did. Jeongin tried to chalk it up to the fact that it was just the bad lighting in the parking lot, but he knew that wasn’t it. 

“So, Seungmin, are you going to tell me what’s wrong?”

“I don’t know where I am, I don’t have anywhere to go, and my phone is dead.”

“You don’t know where you are? How do you not know where you are?” Jeongin asked, incredulous.

“I was hitchhiking and I fell asleep in my ride’s truck, he made me get out though, I think he was expecting better company than he got if you know what I’m saying” Seungmin says with a dry laugh.

“And he wouldn’t even tell you where you are?”

“I guess that’s my punishment for not giving head to a trucker, well deserved and just if you ask me. Judge, juror, and executioner.” Seungmin laughs even louder than before, seemingly finding the situation genuinely funny. Jeongin was rattled by the sudden attitude change from only a moment ago where he had so seemed sad and scared. The sight of his tear soaked face was still fresh in his mind, gripping on his heart. 

Maybe the heavy summer night heat was getting to him. Humidity clinging to his skin, sweat dripping down his lower back, hot coffee in his gut, all of it adding up to make him reckless. Or, maybe, it was just that Seungmin was hot himself. It went against his better instincts, entirely against what he had set out to do with this trip, but he didn’t care, serendipity or whatever. What else was this trip for if not experiencing things he hadn’t experienced before? And well, Jeongin had never invited a hitchhiker to join him on a trip before. 

“Get in, it’s hot and I want to get the A.C. running”

“I’m sorry?” Seungmin posed it as confusion but they both knew it was just him wanting clarification, making sure Jeongin was actually okay with it.

“Would you rather wait around for another trucker looking for sexual favors, or, would you like to get in my air conditioned car where we can listen to music and I can try and get you where you are trying to go?”

Seungmin really couldn’t argue with that.

“So, where are you even trying to go?” Jeongin asked, plugging his phone in, scrolling through his playlists, suddenly acutely aware of his audience. While he wasn’t one to typically care what someone thought of him or the things he likes, his guest wasn’t just ‘someone,’ he was an incredibly pretty boy who smelled like cigarettes and fresh deodorant. He really wanted to find a song that would impress him, maybe get him to think that he was cool, even.

“West, I guess, however far you plan on going, and then I can find another ride from there.” Seungmin had no idea where he was actually going, he just knew he wanted to go. Out west seemed as good of an option as any, so long as it was somewhere new.

“West sounds good to me,” Jeongin said, finally pressing play on ‘little busters’ a song that had always felt like summer to him.

“I love the pillows,” Seungmin said, smile spreading across his face.

“Yeah? Me too.”

“Never would have guessed,” both boys couldn’t help but smirk at each other’s dry sarcastic wit. Everything felt entirely too comfortable for two people who had known each other for less than twenty minutes. They just fit together like that, it was nice. 

* * *

Jeongin had never intended for his trip go on for this long. He had just wanted to get out for a while, spend a couple nights alone. Never meant to be driving across the entire country all because he couldn’t stand the thought of no longer being in the presence of the sardonic yet charming man next to him. It was meant to have been an end of the year micro-vacation for himself, finally free from school, having just graduated by the skin of his teeth. He had wanted to get out of town and just be by himself. Test the waters of what it would be like to be out on his own. And yet, four days in, halfway across the country, in the middle of rural America, somewhere between the plains and the desert, Jeongin had come to a realization. He never wanted to imagine himself alone, never wanted to imagine this trip coming to an end, never wanted to imagine having to be without Seungmin by his side.  
  
It had only been four days but he felt that those four days had somehow managed to find a way to exist outside of time. They were longer, slower, and yet, at the same time, all too fast, gone in the blink of an eye. It had been four days of constant talking, learning all the minute details of each other. Four days of wildly loud inappropriate laughter and concerning jokes about their past traumas. Four days of shitty diner food and gas station snacks playacting as meals. Four days of having Seungmin take his picture by increasingly ridiculous roadside attractions. Four days of singing along to songs at the top of their lungs with all the windows down. Four days of crafting their own universe together.

“There’s a scenic overlook coming up in the next few miles, do you wanna stop?” Seungmin had been, on Jeongin’s request, keeping track of the highway signs that would alert them to any passing attractions or potentially worthwhile sights. Anything to drag out the time they could spend together.

“Yeah, of course,” Jeongin replied, excitement more than evident in his voice. Another memory to be made with Seungmin. Another picture for Seungmin to remember him by.

Their physical affections thus far had been nonexistent, neither boy entirely keen on it in their daily lives, it felt too odd to suddenly incorporate it. Yet still, they when the opportunity presented itself, it was too hard for Jeongin to ignore. There was just something inexplicably intimate about the way Seungmin held out his hand to help Jeongin over the guardrail meant to discourage onlookers from getting too close to the edge of their view. He took his hand to stabilize himself as he swung his legs over the guardrail, concentrating on not falling. He wasn’t sure what the final motivator was, but Jeongin chose not to let go of Seungmin’s hand even once he was safely over. Seungmin’s fingers had gone lax, ready for Jeongin to drop his hand, but the moment he didn’t he closed them again, clasping the others hand firmly in his. It was the first moment they had had with so much intention. 

Seungmin smiled at Jeongin and squeezed his hand lightly, a silent gesture of his affections. Jeongin rolled his eyes and squeezed back. They both smiled at each other, the preface of a laugh waiting between the two of them. Jeongin kept alternating between looking out into the distance- trying his best to look interested- and stealing glances of Seungmin. Well aware he was being watched, Seungmin’s smile only grew wider, making it even harder for Jeongin to look away. In the orange glow of the approaching sunset, he thought Seungmin was the most beautiful thing he had seen.

They stayed at their overlook longer than either actually cared to. Having had watched the sun move across the sky, down to the edge of the horizon. They had been out far too long, burning their arms and the backs of their necks- guaranteeing them ridiculous farmer’s tans in the coming days. Still, they sat there with a sense of fear that if they got into the car, that they would have to let go of each other. Jeongin, inexperienced and anxious about communicating his thoughts looked at Seungmin hoping that he would know where his mind was at. It felt too precarious a moment to verbalize it himself, too afraid that he would ruin it. The courage he had found to grab his hand in the first place, was long gone.

“Y’know, we don’t have to stop holding hands in the car, right?” Seungmin offered, nodding his head back in the direction of the car. Thank god, he knew.

“Yeah, I know that, I just think it’s pretty.” Seungmin rolled his eyes with a light laugh, squeezing Jeongin’s hand in reassurance.

“Well if you’re done thinking it’s pretty, do you wanna get back on the road?”

“Yeah we can. Are you hungry?” Jeongin asked trying to close the awkward gap.

“More tired than hungry, but I could always eat.”

“Don’t know if you know this or not, but, you don’t actually have to choose between one or the other, you can, believe it or not, have both.” Desperately clinging to his tongue-in-cheek comments to make him feel like himself again.

“Thank god, just like arson and tax fraud, who could ever choose?”

“Arson, any day, tax fraud is for the rich.”

A rush of laughter ripped through the both of them as they walked back to the car, hands still linked. Nothing about their banter was particularly funny but all the nervous energy that had gathered was let out at once, returning them a place that felt comfortable. A place where awkward was allowed to belong. 

* * *

In the four days of their trip, their sleeping arrangements had been crude at best. Parked in any random parking lot where they didn’t think they’d be likely to be ticketed. One of them would curl up in the back seat while the other would take the front with the seat reclined all the way. It got old quickly though, as young as they were, their back and neck pain was starting to mount. And maybe, possibly, Jeongin also felt emboldened by the fact the space between the two of them had finally closed.

“Hey, do you want to maybe find a motel tonight? I don’t know how much more of this my back can take. Plus, I could desperately use a shower, somehow washing off in rest stop bathroom sinks isn’t that fulfilling. I checked my balance and I think I can swing it. If you want to that is…” Jeongin suggests, pushing around the food on his plate. He was too nervous to look, concerned about Seungmin’s reaction to the potential implications behind his statement. 

Seungmin suddenly couldn’t hear over the sound of his own heart beating. He didn’t think Jeongin had intended for his statement to be anything other than innocuous, and yet the concept of sleeping in the same room as the man in front of him had his head buzzing. It shouldn’t have had him as excited as it did, they had spent every night not even more than a foot away from each other. It wasn’t anything inherently sexual, it was simply the idea of a change to their routine. It was something outside of the car, the diners, the parking lots, the roadside attractions- it felt like reality seeping in through the cracks of their world. He would be able to see Jeongin, falling asleep, face to a pillow. See him with wet hair dripping onto his shoulders, fresh out of the shower. See him watching T.V., blue glow of the screen in his eyes. God, he wanted all of that so badly, wanted to briefly let reality in.

“Yeah, honestly, that sounds amazing,” he rushed out, not even caring to pretend to have an air of nonchalance. 

Seungmin had never expected to think of a motel as anything more than a means to an end. It was just a place that smelled of mildew with a bed that may or may not have bugs in the mattress and no less than three locks on the door. But suddenly knowing he’d be sharing that room with Jeongin, a motel suddenly felt like the best thing he could ever think of.

* * *

There is no one in the world who did not sound awkward the first time they tried to get a motel room. Especially not when they’re with someone and the attendant won’t stop shifting their line of sight between the two, trying to figure out their dynamic. Jeongin was no exception to any of this.

“Hey, uh, so, uh, I need a room? Do you have any? Is there one available?” He stumbled over his words, ears bright red. Suddenly the excitement of doing everything on his own for the first time had gone out the door. He wished Seungmin was holding his hand right now. At the same time he was immensely thankful that he had taken a step back, allowing him the space to struggle.

“Single or double?” The woman at the counter asked, still alternating her sight between the two awkward boys, trying to put the pieces together.

“Uh… I’m sorry? What?” Jeongin was not really all too confused by the question but just wanted to make sure he wasn’t accidentally agreeing to something else. He was also trying to buy time while he thought of how to answer, he and Seungmin hadn’t discussed this beforehand. It’d probably be safer to get two beds, so Seungmin doesn’t feel pressured to share the space if he doesn’t want to. But if he got a double, would Seungmin think he didn’t want to share his space, that he was rejecting the idea? But wasn’t getting a single without talking to him too presumptuous? 

“Do you want a room with one bed, or two? Or did you want to get two separate rooms?” She answered already bored with the situation in front of her.

“Oh uhhh…” Jeongin said elongating his vowels, shifting on his feet.

“A double costs more, if that helps,” she offered.

Jeongin glanced back at Seungmin, hoping that yet again, he’d know what he was thinking. Seungmin looked at Jeongin knowing all too well by the suddenly unsure expression on the otherwise overly confident boy’s face that he was desperately seeking confirmation on his answer. Seungmin felt like his heart was going to burst, how could someone as precious as Yang Jeongin ever want to share a bed with him, and in what universe could he ever think that he would say no. 

“A single sounds fine to me.” 

The rest of the check in process was just as clumsy but substantially less uncomfortable. Bolstered by the information that Seungmin wanted to share a bed with him, it was hard to care how awkward everything was. 

The walk back to the car to gather their things to bring them into the room felt light and gentle. There were cicadas buzzing loudly into the night, overtaking their silence, allowing the two to just walk without any pressure to fill the space with talking. It didn’t take very long to gather their things together but Seungmin still felt it couldn’t ever go fast enough. The key and awkward plastic key tag felt odd in his hand, bigger and heavier than they were in actuality. 

“You got everything?” Jeongin confirmed before locking the car. Seungmin nods quickly, and maybe too enthusiastically, feeling his sweat damp bangs bounce against his forehead. “Okay, good,” Jeongin said before he locked the car, and then locked it again, just in case.

Seungmin unlocked the door to their room and gestured Jeongin in with a small wave. Jeongin could only roll his eyes and smile, lightly slapping Seungmin’s shoulder, knowing very well what he was up to. Regardless, he decided to indulge him, giving a spin once he was past the threshold of the door. “Like what you see?”

“Mmm, show me again?” It earned him another playful smack to his shoulder that makes him laugh. “Of course, I do, you’re beautiful.”

“You’re cheesy.”

“I’m okay with that.”

Shoulders sore from his overstuffed backpack, he let it drop to the ground with a sigh of relief. He lets himself collapse back onto the bed in front of him, shoes still on. Jeongin hadn’t realized how much he missed such a basic comfort until he had it again. Seungmin couldn’t help but smile and laugh at Jeongin’s dramatic reunion. He knelt down to the ground and took Jeongin’s shoes off for him, allowing him to roll back onto the bed fully. The small tender act was just another way the two of them found their own sense of intimacy with the other. They would never be the pair to wax poetic about their feelings, but they would always be able to fill their days with quiet kindness. He laid the shoes down by the door and turned around to take in the sight of the pink haired man splayed out on the bed, wide smile plastered on his face.

“Seungmin, god, please, come lay down this feels so good.”

“It’s a motel bed, Innie,” he laughed.

“Innie?” Jeongin asked, a toothy grin on his face. A faint blush peaking out through his tanned skin.

“Yeah, it sounds cute, so, it's fitting,” Seungmin shrugged.

“Oh? Am I cute?” The overconfidence back with a passion.

“Could you ever be anything but?” Seungmin said, finally moving towards the bed, slowly closing the space between him and Jeongin. 

“Hmm, not sure, never tried,” Jeongin retorted, propping himself up on his elbows to see Seungmin right within his reach. It was all too tempting, he couldn’t help but put his hand against the man’s chest, feeling his heart beat under his palm. Seungmin rests his hand overtop of it, breathing in deeply, trying to be as present as he could for the moment. 

“Jeongin?”

“Yeah?”

“Could I, kiss you?” The air from his lungs was somewhere else far away, waiting for the answer, as sure as he was of what it would be.

“Please.”

* * *

  
Sleeping when it is too hot is factually impossible. It was a truth that hovered over Seungmin and Jeongin as they lay next to each other, legs tangled, bodies close together. Despite the way the heat made them feel like they were melting, they stayed stuck together, desperately trying to ignore the sweat accumulating everywhere that their skin was touching. Seungmin at one point with a huff of frustration had thrown the comforter on the floor. It helped, but only briefly. So they stayed like that instead, flushed and sweaty, melded together under a thin top sheet. Nothing about their meeting and knowing each other had been neat or well packaged. There was no reason why their first night in each other’s arms should be any different. It was something Seungmin thought about deeply in the moment.

Seungmin had left Boston to hitchhike to wherever he could only after he hit a breaking point in the way he was living his life. There wasn’t any grand event that caused it, there was no dramatic meltdown. Just, one day he woke up and everything was too much, so he decided to leave. It was that simple. From a distance it might have seemed substantially out of character, but it was far from it. He didn’t seem like an impulsive person in a lot of ways. He had gone to a safe college with a safe major. He had taken his first job only after careful considerations and too many pros & cons lists about health insurance and 401ks. All his life choices seemed so intentional and yet he was constantly indulging in small impulsions to offset the sense of stagnation. The tattoos on his wrists and the back of his neck spoke to that. The thing about all people though, is that they can exist as contradictions and still be honest. This is just where seungmin excelled. 

Eventually though those small impulsive actions weren’t enough to offset the routine he had grown to hate. He had eventually had enough, and he wanted to leave, so he did. He mailed out his rent check and texted his landlord, asking her to hold his mail for him. He called his boss and quit without notice, knowing that he did well enough there, and that they would hire him back the moment he got back. He hastily packed up a duffel bag of his essentials and then walked out the door. It in of itself was all very quick and very messy. He wasn’t truly prepared for how difficult it might be.

When he met Jeongin he was exhausted, sweaty, and crying. Yet Jeongin met him where he was with force, determination, and kindness. From the moment they met, it had been unrefined at best. He had come to understand Jeongin’s own impulsiveness and independence that was similar to his own. However it scared him at times because it was partnered with the recklessness that came only from being young. Seungmin was a few years older and it was one of the only times he was ever truly aware of the gap between the two. Nothing is more terrifying than a nineteen year old with nothing to lose. Both their personalities lined up in a way where they screamed resilience. He felt their relationship with each other could handle all the turmoil and mess and it would never falter. The only thing that he felt certain could cause Jeongin to leave would be the moment that he felt he didn’t have his independence. He respected that. 

“I’m so fucking hot,” Jeongin said, breaking the silence between them, pulling Seungmin out of his thoughts.

“Yeah, you are.” Seungmin couldn’t resist every gratuitously cheesy line now that he knew definitively that Jeongin liked him. It earned him a smack to his bare thigh from a smiling Jeongin.

“Shut up, you’re an idiot.” 

“Yeah and for some reason you like me.”

“Not so sure about that anymore,” he said, voice thick with sarcasm and poorly masked happiness.

“You like me so much, you wanna kiss me, you wanna hold my hand, you wanna snuggle me, you wanna…” Seungmin really just wanted to see how annoyed he could make Jeongin before he finally retaliated.

“I wanna fuckin’ fight you.” Jeongin whipped around and straddled seungmin to deliver a series of smacks to the hysterically laughing man’s chest. Seungmin grabbed Jeongin’s wrists to slow down the slaps that were only a millimeter off from landing on his sunburn.

“Baby, stop,” Seungmin gasps between laughter. Jeongin froze, a smile wide across his face.

“First Innie, and now this? Are you trying to ruin me for all other men?"

“And what if I am?” God, Seungmin’s smirk was so dangerous.

“I…uh”

“I love how you look when you panic.”

“And what if I want you to ruin me?” Jeongin’s smirk was even more dangerous.

“Uh.. I, yeah, uh, okay, yeah”

The room was still hot, they were still damp with sweat, they didn’t care.

* * *

Unfortunately money isn't infinite, especially if someone is unemployed. All the money that Jeongin had saved up over the last two years from his art commissions and his part time job was starting to dwindle down. His ‘congratulations on your graduation’ cards had all been opened and gutted of their checks and cash. Seungmin’s checking account was all but close to empty. He had thus far resisted every urge to transfer some of his money out of his savings account. He really wanted to make sure they had something if there was an emergency. He knew not to be impulsive with that.

As their wallets were getting thinner, the west coast was getting closer. There was only a limited amount of land they could traipse before reaching the end. It was a conversation they had intentionally been avoiding. It felt too big to intrude in their space. Between the lack of money and the rapidly approaching coastline, it finally couldn’t be avoided anymore.

“We just passed the California welcome sign,” Seungmin noted, starring at Jeongin’s face gauging his reaction. The twinge of pain wasn’t lost on him.

“Did we? I didn’t notice.” His hands gripped the steering wheel a little tighter.

“Mhmm.” The silence weighed on them.

“Could you put something on? I wanna listen to something.” 

“We have to talk about it at some point, baby.” Seungmin always knew how to deliver what he needed to say gently but with authority. He knew better than to ever try to force Jeongin to do anything, but sometimes he needed to lean weight into his words. “We need to figure out what comes next, we can’t just drive into the Pacific.”

“Well, why not? Personally, I’m okay with the idea.” They both always chose sarcasm whenever uncomfortable things came up. Seungmin wouldn’t indulge it for once.

“I’m being serious, Innie.” The tone shift was immediate.

“I know, it’s just hard. I don’t even know where to start.” Jeongin was thankful he had the road to look towards, he didn’t know how he’d be able to handle this if he had to look at Seungmin’s face. 

“Are you going to go back home?”

“I mean, eventually. Are you even planning on stay in California? You just said west, where are you even going from here?” Jeongin tried to return the gentleness he had been given but couldn’t help his tone sounding slightly aggravated. Seungmin understood the frustration that was taking over. It also made him realize it was a question he hadn’t even fully asked himself. He had just thought of this entire trip as just going as far as he could. The thought of what comes next hadn’t been on the forefront of his mind.

“I don’t know, if I’m being honest,” Seungmin admitted, his voice breathy and defeated. “I just had been thinking of how far can I get this entire time, and then, all my thoughts were on you, and trying to maintain this bubble we had made. I didn’t want to let anything from the outside, in.”

“So, can’t you just come back with me then?” Jeongin suddenly excited by the possibility.

“And what, live at your parent’s house til we have money to get a place together?” Seungmin sighed, their age difference apparent to him once again. “Jeongin, you’re nineteen, you have a lot of experiences to have, I don’t want to corner you into me. I want you to go out and meet new people, have fun at parties, kiss people and regret it. I don’t want to take any of that away from you.” He was trying so hard to keep his voice from breaking. This was too real.

“You honestly think that being around you would ever stop me from living the life I want to live? Seungmin, no offense, but, don’t give yourself so much credit. I may be nervous sometimes, I may not always be sure what to do next, but when I know what I want, I will always go for it. I don’t care about the expectations of the people around me, I don’t care what people think. I am okay with hurting feelings, even yours sometimes. If there is something I want to experience, I will.” Jeongin was so mad that tears were starting to well up in his eyes. He couldn’t believe Seungmin was trying to push him out all because he wanted him to have parties. It went against everything about himself.

Seungmin let his words hit him in rapid succession. He wished he could have ever had the tenacity that Jeongin possessed. He admired so many things about him, but that was easily one of his favorites. No one he had ever met, was so profoundly themself, in the way that Jeongin was. No one else was ever able to be as forthright with their thoughts the way that he was.

“There’s really no one like you.” It hurt to realize this, it hurt even more to admit it audibly. 

“Yeah, I’m fucking aware.” Jeongin paused, breathing deeply, trying to calm himself before continuing. “That’s part of why I’m so attached to you, Min. Why we fit together. I’m not like other people, I’m crass and I only know how to be kind quietly. No one likes the way I handle my emotions, that I’m quick to disregard social decorum if it doesn’t make sense to me. Sure, I have friends, some people like me, I’m funny and I’m cute, I get it, but no one ever stays. No one ever puts up with me for long. I’m always different, I’m always othered. I’m always lonely.”

“Jeongin…” Seungmin felt his heart breaking, in all their conversations he hadn’t ever heard him admit his hurt like this before. They had discussed their traumas and the darker moments of their lives but Jeongin was always so factual about it. He would list the events that happened as they happened, like a lawyer reading a crime report to a jury. If it ever felt too real he’d make as many jokes as he could. The kind of jokes that made most people uncomfortable but only kept him and Seungmin laughing for hours. This was different and it hurt, he wished they weren’t in the car, he wanted to hold Jeongin more than ever before.

“Please, please believe me.” He sniffled, it was getting harder to not cry.

“I do. I just don’t know where this leaves us.”

“I do, we figure it out. We get to California, we see the ocean, and then we go back.” It wasn’t a request.

“Where do I even stay? I can’t stay with your parents, Jeongin, it’s weird.”

“You still have your apartment back in Boston, right?”

“Yeah, I just got a lease extension for another month.” Seungmin’s head was spinning at the impending question.

“Could I?” The full question was there, even though the words weren’t.

“What about school?”

“Was never going to go in the first place, I barely graduated high school. I only care about being able to keep making art. I have ways around making enough money.” 

“Just so you know ‘I have ways around making enough money,’ is a very concerning statement.” Seungmin was so genuinely worried about what Jeongin could mean by it that he forgot the original and very pressing question.

“That’s not an answer.” Jeongin stated, annoyed.

“I mean, yeah, I just, I don’t want to be the reason you leave home.”

“Do you want me with you? That is the only question I need you to answer.” The annoyance in his voice was gone at this point, just desperate need for reassurance. His confidence was waning quickly. 

“Of course, I do. I only ever want you with me.” It was difficult to admit but all the cards were on the table already. “What if you get sick of me? We’ve known each other for barely a week.” It was a real fear and it needed to be addressed.

“I could ask you the same thing. At the end of the day though, we don’t know, but it feels so wholly wrong to not try. I don’t want to think about letting this go because it might not end well. I will never not go for something that I want just because it doesn’t make sense to others. Min, I want you. I want you and you only. I don’t know if that will change in the future, but right now I’m sure of it. I don’t want to lose you.” Jeongin was finally crying, tears silently rolling down his face.

“I want you too,” Seungmin said only slightly louder than a whisper.

“So are we on the same page then?” Jeongin asked wiping aggressively at the tears on his face. A quick cough to knock himself out of it.

“Yeah, we are.” 

___________________________________________________________________

The beach here realistically wasn’t that different than what they had experienced on the east coast. There was white sand, choppy water with foamy waves, oversized umbrellas and towels, sunbathers with varying degrees of modesty, screaming children begging their parents to play with them, a subtle echo of the nearby streets. Yet it felt entirely different than what they had known. Despite the the blaring sun, it felt cooler, the ocean creating a gentle breeze. The air smelled sweet and fresh, it gave away that the Pacific was younger, newer than what they had known thus far. It illuminated the start to a new part of themselves and their lives. 

Seungmin was acutely aware of Jeongin’s hand swaying next to his, like he was waiting to bump into Seungmin’s as an excuse to hold it. Seungmin beats him to it and grabs his hand firmly, smiling up at him as he does. He still didn’t understand how Jeongin was able to so rapidly alternate between being shy and tepid to overconfident and unhinged. It made him love him even more.

Jeongin wasn’t sure how he had ended up here, under a boardwalk, back pressed firmly against a post covered in barnacles. Seungmin had his hand on the back of his head, acting as a cushion, he was gentle like that. It was a stark contrast to how roughly he was kissing him, his two day old stubble scratching his skin. Jeongin brought his hands up against Seungmin’s chest and pushed lightly. So sensitive to everything Jeongin did, he broke away immediately. “Are you okay? Did I hurt you? Do you want to stop?” he asked, holding Jeongin’s face, eyes searching all over for any visual cues.

“I’m fine, I just need a moment.” Jeongin gave a soft smile, trying to comfort the obviously anxious man.

“Of course, do you want to go eat? Are you cold? It’s kind of cold under here.”

“Everything is fine, Min. I just, I want to tell you, I’m so glad I met you.” Seungmin could see the stars in his eyes. “Maybe I should let strange men into my car more often.” Jeongin couldn’t resist sarcasm in even the most delicate moments.

“Lets have a talk before we start letting more men into the car, okay?” he says as he places a gentle kiss on Jeongin’s lips. They stay like that a moment longer, just taking in each others company. Taking stock of the time they had spent together, all the moments that had lead up to their meeting. Something told them, that no matter how many moments they changed, they would have always ended up right here.

“Innie?”

“Mmm?”

“I’m glad I met you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> i didn't want to explicitly state it in the beginning, but jeongin is neurodivergent in this, i feel like that's important to know though. anywayys i hope you liked it, okay byeeeee. ♡


End file.
